Today we were going to see "West Side Story" at the Fox so we thought we would grab lunch some place not too far from there. It was my son's week to pick and he wanted to visit the Coffee Cartel in the Central West End since his sister recommended it, but I tried to persuade him to pick some place closer to Grand Center that was more than just a coffee shop. When he stuck with his original pick, I was hoping the Coffee Cartel would at least be like the Kayak's at Skinker and Forest Park (right by Wash U's Danforth Campus), but unfortunately it was not even that good.
We arrived around 11 am and the place was not very busy. We noticed there were only two people staffing the place, but for so little people it might have been sufficient. The menu was actually fairly lengthy, with a number of specialty wraps and sandwiches available as well as a sign advertising the pizza there (which my daughter had recommended to her brother.) I selected the chipotle chicken wrap, my wife selected a turkey sandwich, my son picked a pepperoni pizza and my mother-in-law just wanted a grilled cheese sandwich. Everyone but myself ordered a Cafe mocha, but I opted not to have one since I do not like to consume much caffeine, especially before a long musical.
We selected a table over in the larger seating area after noticing the first table we selected near the front windows smelled like sour milk. We enjoyed their unusual selection of art they used to decorate the walls. The music was a bit loud and rather strange, but it gave us plenty of variety to listen to as we waited and waited. The Cafe mochas were done in several minutes and we brought them over to our table and everybody who ordered one enjoyed them. Then it was again time to wait some more. The lady preparing our food was certainly not in any hurry and prepared some other people's coffee orders while slowly and methodically getting to our food order. My son and I watched her pull his frozen pizza out of the plastic bag and place it in their little pizza oven. Hmmm, very impressive recipe. I noticed she was heating up the grill so perhaps she was actually going to prepare the grilled cheese sandwich and perhaps the other sandwiches as well. We might actually get to eat!
Finally after being there nearly a full hour, we finally received the pizza, wrap and sandwiches. My son's pizza tasted like a cheap frozen pizza, probably because that is what it was. My wrap was okay, but it was small and I have had much better ones (like at Camille's in Brentwood.) My wife's sandwich was bland and nothing special, but my mother-in-law did like her grilled cheese. Overall the food was unimpressive, and definitely not worth a visit. My son checked the online reviews and most people agreed the food was not great (why did he wait until we were already there?) Most of the positive reviews were for the coffee, location, hours (open 24 hours), free wifi and just the people watching. Nobody comes to the Coffee Cartel for the food, and we should not have either!
Our final test of the establishment was the restroom review, and there was one marked for both genders, and one marked just for women. I tested the dual gender restroom and it was cramped, smelled not so clean, the paper towel dispenser was broken, and there was some weird graffiti on the wall and mirror. My wife used the ladies' room and there were toilet paper and paper towels on the floor, her paper towel dispenser was also not filled (the damp roll sitting on top) and it was just generally messy and not well maintained. She did not even want to sit on the toilet seat.
So if you are a college student looking for a late night coffee joint, or want to people watch or enjoy some place with free wifi and lots of weird art, the Coffee Cartel may be the place for you. If you are looking for someplace to get some good food, there are a lot better choices probably just within 100 feet there in the Central West End.
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